I’ve lost my love for English – but I want to get it back.

(I realise my posts at the moment are very depressing, I apologise in advance)

I’ve always been the kind of person that loved books. When I was younger, my most treasured possession was my library card. I used to long for the day that my mum would tell me she was just going to pop to the local library after picking me up from school, so I could take back my books to get another one, or two, or three, or… well you get the picture. I was always the one to stay in and read rather than go out and play. Even my own family (lovingly) have always called me a bookworm, or my sisters favourite, ‘Geek’.

I’ve never known exactly what to do with my life, so when everyone else was deciding what they wanted to do at university or just simply in life,  I began to think. What do I want to do? Or, more importantly, what do I love to do? And the answer was reading. So, this left one option….English.

But I think it was this decision that ruined reading for me. Suddenly, I was in a world where every sentence HAD to have a meaning (and I must admit, to keep up a steady 2:1, I just simply made them up sometimes). Suddenly, these books that I used to escape reality had to be brought back down to earth. They had to be analysed, they had to be dissected. And so, I couldn’t just ENJOY a book anymore. Even if it wasn’t a book needed for my degree, I struggled to effortlessly read a book for pleasure because I was constantly asking myself: BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? And it frustrated me.

Before uni, I  also used to love writing. Poetry, mostly. I used to sit on my bed, listening to some emo/rock punk music (don’t judge, it motivates me), just…writing. I now hate poetry. We were given all these guidelines to adhere to for our modules, and the fun was just lost. I haven’t written a poem since.

But I’m trying to get my love for writing back. I’m now writing this blog (obviously, as you’re reading it.) I’m the sole blogger for a lovely company called Elephant in the Room, writing about social issues and inspiring change (go check them out), and i’m now pursuing a career as a content writer, whilst doing an online diploma in travel writing. I’m trying…but I’m not there yet. That’s why today, I have taken myself away from my room, and forced myself to sit down and let the words flow. I have worked on my course, I have done my assignment and I am writing this. I’ve realised that to reignite this spark, I need to sometimes take myself away from daily life – because tidying can wait! And focus on what I used to love/what i’m beginning to love again/what I will be passionate about again soon.

I would someday like to write a book of short stories – to get my name out there is the ultimate goal for any writer/English student. I would someday like to have my travel articles published. I would someday like to be a comfortable freelance content writer. So watch this space.

 

 

 

 

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